Habits – Consistently Inconsistent?

Habits, we all have them, the question is, are they serving us well? Only we can answer that. I have a habit that drives me crazy. For those close to me, they know, and are likely tired of me complaining about the err of my ways.

This is how it goes for me. I clean my house, surfaces are clear, things are where they belong and I feel fabulous. Before long….. surfaces are cluttered, things are not where they belong, and I feel anything but fabulous. I clean my house, surfaces are clear…. round, round I go.

The paradox is that I AM organized, my drawers and cupboards are neatly arranged and maintained. I am lover of small boxes, bins, anything that can help separate contents and define space, I’m all over it.

I don’t, however, put things away and end up overwhelmed by the mess I’ve made in such a short time. Things like my purse, papers, papers, papers, yoga gear, gardening gloves, nail polish, and books… oh how I love books… My “once” worn clothes, they aren’t dirty, they aren’t freshly cleaned, where do they go? On my floor, yup, on my floor, I know exactly where to find them. This is rudimentary I know, but it is messing with me (that just came out, no pun intended). And thus begins the cycle…..

To say I am frustrated with myself is an understatement. I’m not willing to continue to beat myself up over it anymore, and I’m unwilling to accept that things can’t be different.

This is where the works of Gretchen Rubin comes in, author of Better Than Before. On page 16 she says, “The first and most important habits question is: How does a person respond to an expectation? When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves. Therefore, it’s crucial to understand how we respond to expectations. We face two kinds of expectations: outer expectations (meet work deadlines, observe traffic regulations) and inner expectations (stop napping, keep a New Year’s resolution). From my observation, just about everyone falls into one of four distinct groups.”

What group do you fall under? Are you an Upholder? (these people just do it) An Obliger? A Questioner? Or a Rebel? For anyone interested in a better understanding of their own nature with regards to their habits, check out her website. http://gretchenrubin.com

When I read about my tendency, I couldn’t believe the accuracy, she was definitely talking about me. I am the Obliger, she describes on page 23, “Obligers may find it difficult to form a habit, because often we undertake habits for our own benefit, and Obligers do things more easily for others than for themselves. For them, the key is external accountability.” Whew…. what a relief, I’m not the only one.

External accountability, hmm…. that makes perfect sense. When I have company, it forces me to tidy up. If I am meeting someone for a walk I go, if I’m not meeting anyone, I don’t. Promises I make to myself are broken, while promises to others are not. This has developed into a habitual pattern of what I describe as consistently inconsistent.

For a period of time, a dear friend helped me by requesting daily photos of my clutter areas. I LOVED IT! My home was immaculate and I felt so good about myself.

Obviously there are others out there who struggle with their own forms of inconsistency’s. Perhaps, like me, they want to make a change, are ready to commit, and are willing to be accountable to someone. For people like us, Gretchen Rubin suggests starting an Accountability Group. I would love to do that! Anyone?!

A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labours of a spasmodic Hercules. – Anthony Trollope

The one thing I’m sure of, although I can be messy, I know I don’t need an orderly environment to pray and meditate and be at one with my Higher Power. This part of my life is consistent and requires nothing external.

Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait, and wait without anxiety. – A Course in Miracles M15